Adam Goodwon 



A Farce in One Act 



By FRANK J. STANTON 



With Cast of Characters, Synopsis, Entrances and Exits 
and all the Stage Business given complete 



NORWICH, NEW YORK 

FRANK J. STANTON 
1911 



Adam Goodwon 



A Farce in One Act 



By FRANK J. STANTON 



With Cast of Characters, Synopsis, Entrances and Exits 
and all the Stage Business given complete 



Copyright, 191 1 

FRANK J. STANTON 

NORWICH. NEW YORK 



ADAM GOODWON 



^6 



t-^ 






Except in the case of Amateurs 

Permission to produce this play must 

be obtained from the author 



TMP96-0C6787 



CCI.D 24918 



ADAM GOODWON 



ADAM GOODWON 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Colonel Adam Goodwon, a wealthy mine owner . 

Josephme, his daughter 

Mihon Nelson, his private secretary 

Time, the present Place, Chicago 

SYNOPSIS 

Colonel Goodwon, a millionaire of Chicago, has had a 
sort of understandmg with Sylvanus Small, also a millionaire, 
regarding the hand of his daughter, Josephine. Josephine 
knows nothing of this and is in love with Milton Nelson, her 
father's private secretary. Milton accidentally learns the slate 
of affairs and enlists the Colonel's sympathy. The Colonel, 
unknowingly, plans and assists in the elopement of his own 
daughter after disclosing a part of his own past life. It is a 
little case of history repeating itself (or a case of a little history 
repeating itselt) and there is no doubt of perfect happiness in 
the young couple's future. 

COSTUMES 

are modern, but should be such as befits a wealthy man. Jo- 
sephine should change to automobile costume for her second 
entrance. 

TIME OF REPRESENTATION 

thirty to forty-five minutes. Josie first enters singing, so Milton 
can join her in singing specialty, if desired. The Colonel in- 
troduces a song or instrumental number (having a guitar, man- 
dolin, banjo or other instrument, all ready on stage) and the 
messenger boy can be used for a song. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the vear 191 1 
BY FRANK J. STANTON, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington 



ADAM GOODWON 



Scene— An up-to-date office. Desks well down front on 
each side of stage. Other appropriate accessories about stage 
such as hat tree and umbrella stand up C, and chairs in 
various places, etc. Revolving chairs at desks. Desks litter- 
ed in business way. Practical up-to-date telephone on the 
desk at Right. -Doors R and L. Milton Nelson is discov- 
ered at rise of the curtain, at the hat tree, where he re- 
moves his gloves, coat and hat. After hanging up coat and 
hat he comes do>vn to desk left, speaking. 

MILTON'-There's no use putting this affair off any 
longer. Sits, and commences opening and arranging letters from a pile on 
his desk. I'm getting frantic. If I'm ever going to marry 
Josie I've got to do something desperate. I've waited and 
waited a chance to speal< to the old gentleman and when 
he's NOT here I'm brave enough to step up and ask his 
consent, but when he IS here, my courage oozes out like 
water from a leaky tub. I guess my real fear is that of 
getting a "turn down." During this, he has been looking over each 
letter as opened, suddenly starts Well, THIS brings matters to a 
focus! Holds up letter and then reads 

Col. Adam Goodwon, 

888 Lancaster Building, Chicago, 
Dear sir,-- 

I shall be in the city on Thursday to talk over 
morefully the matter of my marriage with your daught- 
er, Josephine, and to make such arrangements as you may 
deem necessary. I trust that no prior engagement will 
take her from home that day as I shall dearly love to see 
her. Until then, believe me 

Sincerely yours, Sylvanus Small. 

Throws letter on desk Well wouldn't that kill you! That 
old codger is sixty-five if he's a day. Evidently this letter 



ADAM GOODWON 



was not intended to fall into the hands or for the eyes of 
Colonel Goodwon's private secretary. Now what's to be 
done? To-day's Tuesday and he's coming Thursday. 
There's no time to be lost that's sure. Josie must be 
seen at once. Singing heard off Right Ah! luck's mine for 
once, she's coming now. 

ENTER JOSEPHINE R 
JOSEPHINE--Glancing around Ah, Milton dear, all alone. 
M. --Rising as she comes down toward him Yes, sweetheart. 
J. — Coming toward him joyously speaking, and with extended hands 
which he takes I'm SO glad. I was afraid father or someone 
else would be here. 

M. --Still holding her hands, kisses her No, the COast's clear, 
at least for the present. Suddenly Say, dearie, do you re- 
ally love me? 

J --Throwing her arms around his neck What a question! 
You know I do. Releases him 

M.--And nothing in the wide, wide world will prevent 
your marrying me? 

J. --Holding and swinging each other's hands Why, Milton, 
what has happened? Why are you so serious? What is 
the matter? 

M. --Promise me. 

J. --Nothing in this wide, wide world will prevent ma 
from marrying you. 

M.--Good. Embraces her, then goes to desk I'm going to do 
something--as confidential secretary to your father--! 
ought not to do. I am about to divulge some of his pri- 
vate correspondence. Hands letter from desk Josie, read that. 
J. --Takes letter, reads Milton, what does this mean? 
M.--It evidently means that someone besides "yours 
truly" has matrimonial intentions with Miss Josephine 
Goodwon, and that too, without that lady's knowledge or 
consent. 

J. --Milton, what's to be done? 

M.--I hardly know sweetheart. Motions her to R desk chair 
and she sits Sit down, dear. I ought to have spoken to your 
father and asked his consent to our marriage long ago, 
but I was too cowardly to step up like a man and have it 
out with him. Now it's too late and I'm afraid I've won 
you only to lose you. Money, evidently is in your father's 
eye, as Sylvanus Small is a multi-millionaire, and from 
this letter you can see some sort of an understanding has 
been reached as to your hand. Suddenly But you'll stick 
by, Josie, won't you? 



ADAM GOODWON 



J. --Embracing him Forever and forever. 
M. --Thanks, dearest. Now you must go taking her arms 
from his neck as your father is liable to come at any minute. 
But stay near by and I'll manage some way to reach the 
'climax with him regarding you. Rest assured I'll get 
word to you soon and then we can plan for our future. 

J. --AH right, Milton dear, I'll go down to the art mu- 
seum. Going toward door R There are some new pictures I 
want to see. You'll find me there. Now don't fret and 
worry. I'm sure everything will come out all right. You 
know, as yet, father has said absolutely nothing to me re- 
garding Mr. Small. I'll stick to you through thick and 
thin. He runs quickly to her and kisses her Good bye. EXIT at 
door R, 

M.--Good bye, sweetheart. Pause, looking through door 
Gee ! Have I got to lose that girl just because I'm poor? 
Comes down to de^k, resuming work They say "faint heart ne'er 
won fair lady," but the duffer who said that wasn't up 
against million dollar propositions. If a case like this 
wouldn't give a fellow a weak heart I don't know what 
would. Colonel heard off L, "All right" The hour of my doom 
has come. 

GOLONEL-'Outside All right, just set it down there 
and I'll send a man from the house to attend to it. 
ENTER COLONEL L 

COLONEL--Ah, Milton my boy, good morning. 

M.--Good morning, Colonel. 

COL. --Going toward hat tree speaking and removing gloves Re- 
moves coat and hat and hangs them up Sylvanus Small has sent 
me a box of choice flowers and fruits. Deuced fine man 
that but rather along in years. But money! lord, he's 
made of it! Bonds and stocks galore! Director on a doz- 
en different railroads and not a wife or a chick to help 
spend this enormous wealth. Coming down to his desk R, and 
sitting Well, well, Milton, what makes you look so down- 
hearted and blue this morning? Anything wrong? 

M.--Very despondent Nothing about the office or busi- 
ness. Colonel. 

COL.-What then? _^ 

M. --Hesitating, then suddenly Oh, I don't want tO bother 
you with my troubles. 

COL. --Nonsense, my boy. Out with it. Perhaps I 
can help you. You know perfectly well there's nothing 
within reason that I'd not do for you. 

M. --Brightening at once Thanks, Colonel. Will you--that 



8 ADAM GOODWON 

is, could you--I mean, would-- 

COL.--N0W see here, Milton, what is the matter with 
you? You act like a man in love. 

M.-- Very quickly That's just it ! I AM ! 

GOL.—Well, don't get excited. Shut off your power* 
and coast a ways. I thought that was the trouble. Well, 
who is the girl, anyone I know? 

M. --Starts, then suddenly Oh yes! You know her real well. 
Laughs nervously But I wouldn't want to tell you her name, 
at least not just now. You see I want to ask your ad- 
vice. 

COL. --All right, go ahead. 

M. --Growing braver Colonel, Suppose you was a young 
fellow, like me, possessed of but few dollars, but ambi- 
tious and anxious to rise; in love with one of the sweetest 
girls in the world? 

COL. --Oh yes; of course. Every fellow has the sweet- 
est girl. Beats all how many "sweetest" girls there are. 
Well, how far along have you got? In the first place, does 
she really care for you? 

M.--She loves me dearly. 

COL. --No question about it? 

M.--Not the sli<5htest. She has promised, that come 
what may, she will be my wife. 

COL. --She must be a spunky little dandy. Have you 
hinted anything to the old folks? 

M.--N0. That's just the point. Her father is wealthy, 
in fact is reputed several times a millionaire. I don't 
imagine there would be any trouble in gaining the moth- 
er's consent, but I am quite sure under present circum- 
stances that it would be impossible to get the father's. 

COL. --Why worry about that? 

M.--Much surprised Why, what do you mean? 

COL. --Marry her and ask his consent afterwards. 

M. --Jumps up, excitedly By George! You put an idea in 
my head! Why couldn't I do it? I never thought of that. 
Grasps his hand and shakes it vigorously, And you will help me. 
Colonel? 

COL. --Sure! That's how I married my wife. 
M.--What! Colonel, eloped? 

COL. --We certainly did. Sit down and I'll tell you 
about it. Milton sits at his desk It was more the result of a 
joke tlian anything else and a joke that was played on 
me. But I turned it all right and made my fortune too. 
I don't tell this to everyone, but I'm going to tell it to 



ADAM GOODWON 



you, to cheer you up a bit. When I was a young fellow, 
my "hind sight" was a blamed sight better than my fore- 
sight. Consequently I was the frequent butt of many a 
practical joke. My wife's father was one of the greatest 
jokers in our town, and he never lost an opportunity, no 
matter on whom or where, his prank fell. He was very 
wealthy--made his pile in coal and oil--but that didn't 
prevent his love of a joke. One day, I was passing his of- 
fice, when he hailed me and asked if I'd kindly deliver a 
note, being directly on my way, a few doors down the street. 
Of course I readily consented. Now the man to whom I 
delivered the note was almost as great a joker as my re- 
spected father-in-law to be. This was the note: "This 
will introduce to you Adam Goodwon. He is patiently 
waiting for you to split his coat tails with a kick. Charge 
it up to me and please give Adam Goodwon A DAM GOOD 
ONE." Both lau^^h heartily 

M.--Then you got what you was sent after, Colonel? 

COL.--I sure did. But later, I did the "charging up," 
for nothing would square accounts with my daddy-in-law 
to be, but to elope with his only daughter, which I pro- 
ceeded to do forthwith, and from the nearest telegraph 
station I wired him: "A DAM GOOD ONE Adam Good- 
won and WIFE. Postscript: No KICK a coming." 

M. — Well, that was a GOOD ONE, too. What did your 
father-in-law do.^ 

COL. --Do? What could the old gentleman do? For- 
gave us and we came back for the paternal blessing. 
Then I made my grand stand play. I boldly struck him 
for the position of junior partner. He looked upon the 
thing as preposterous and utterly refused to consider the 
matter. In fact, he was as mad as a car load of madmen, 
threatened to throw me out of the house, and all that 
sort of thing. But I brought him to his milk all right. I 
said to him: "Papa-in-law, take a plunge and cool off. 
Suppose I publish the little episode from the time of the 
'kick,' up to the present, can you stand the pressure? 
Why I could SELL the story for a small fortune." He al- 
lowed he didn't care to have the thing get into the papers 
and in the end took me as a partner. I think he could 
GIVE better than he could TAKE a joke. 

M.--Gee! Colonel, you've set me crazy. Can't I elope 
with MY girl? 

COL. -Elope? Of course you can and laugh the old 
fool of a father in the face, and I'll tell you how to do it too. 



10 ADAM GOODWON 

M.- -Eagerly How? 

COL.--The girl lives here in the city? 
M.--Yes. 

COL. --Good. Now the idea would be to pick up a do- 
minie, skip out to one of our suburbans, and quietly 
"step off." I have it. Chuckling As long as I've got start- 
ed in this thing I may as well see it clean through. It 
takes a head like mine to lay plans for a thing of this sort. 
Great Gladstone! Wouldn't I like to see that old fool of 
a father when he finds out how we've played it on him? 
But you know I wouldn't for the world have it leak out 
that I had a hand in this. 

M.--Who, as the plot is becoming more and more developed, can 
hardly contain himself Certainly not; certainly not. 

COL. --I've got a sister over in Englewood, who don't 
have to step on a joke before she can see it, how would it 
do for me to give you a note and ask her to receive you 
and allow the ceremony to be performed at her house? 

M. --Capital, capital! But Colonel, there won't be 
any "kick" for me in THIS note? 

COL. --Don't you worry my boy. Laughs That old fool 
of a father will get the kick. Both laugh and Colonel proceeds to 
write, reading as he writes Well, I'll write you your note. 
"Dear sister Jane, --This will introduce to you my private 
secretary, Mr. Milton Nelson, who, for certain reasons, 
which he will fully explain to you, wishes to quietly and 
expeditiously marry the young lady who accompanies 
him. It is at my suggestion that he comes to you and 
any aid you can render him will be appreciated by your 
loving brother, Adam." Blots, folds, encloses in envelope and ten- 
ders it to Milton There, that fixes that part all right. 

M. --Rises, takes letter and again sits Ten thousand thousand 
thanks. Colonel. When would you advise me to start? 

COL. --At once, my boy, at once. Delays are not con- 
ducive to safety. 

M.--Goes up C and proceeds to put on his coat and gloves By the 
way. Colonel, would you have any objection to Miss Jose- 
phine's going along over there with me? 
COL. --But that wouldn't be necessary. 
M.--It would help me mightily, and besides, she could 
square up matters with her aunt, a blamed sight better 
than I could. 

COL. --Does Josie know your sweetheart? 

M. --Better than she knows any other girl. 

COL. --It might be a good thing then, and say, I'm 



ADAM GOOD WON 11 

going to give you a week off, and here Taking a large roll of 
bills Irom his pocket and tendering them is a COUple hundred dol- 
lars for a wedding present. 

M. --Really, Colonel, I couldn't 

COL. --Goes up and forces him to take the money Nonsense, 
my boy, money will help you fool the old man. Now go 
and make your preparations. I'll phone Josie to come 
down and tell her all about the whole thing. 

M. --Going toward R door Thanks, Colonel, thanks. 

COL. --Don't mention it, dont mention it. 

M.--At R door, aside I certainly won't. Turns toward the 
Colonel, swings his hat Whoop ! EXIT R 

COL. --Whoopee! Dances around I can just See that old 
fool of a father when he finds this out. Ah! but it takes 
ME to engineer a thing of this kind! Goes to phone, talks 
Hello, Central, give me 6 3 2, please. Hello--Goodwon's? 
That you, wife.' Tell Jo. to come down to the office as 
quick as she can. She left in the automobile a short time 
ago, eh? What's that! Oh, no, everything's o. k. How's 
that? Conversation heard off R All right, I hear her coming 
now. Good bye. Hangs up receiver 

JOSEPHINE--Outside Yes, we'll go right over in my 
car. It won't take five minutes after we pick up the Rev- 
erend Dickinfield. 

ENTF.R JOSEPHINE R, followed by MILTON 

MILTON--I ran across Miss Goodwon just outside. 
Colonel. 

J. --Yes, papa, and he has told me all about it. It '11 
be just splendid, won't it? You've no objections to my 
going to Aunt Jane's? 

COL. --None in the least. 

J. --After all I feel sorry for the father. 

COL. --You needn't. We'll show him "the kind of 
tree that makes shingles," won't we, Milton? 

J. --You're sure you are perfectly willing I should go? 

COL. --Certainly, my dear, go and help the boy out. 
It isn't every day we get a chance like this. 

J. --Goes to her father, embraces and kisses him Good bye papa. 
Goes to R door, turns, throws him a kiss, EXIT R 

COL. --Good bye, dear. Gee whiz. Milt., but this will 
be great, won't it? 

M. --Colonel, how can I ever repay you? 

COL. --You might let me kiss the bride when you get 
back. 

M. --Every day in the year if you like. 



3 12 \9\\ 



12 ADAM GOODWON 

COL. --Thanks to you this time. You're generous. 

M.--I can afford to be. Suddenly embraces the Colonel, then 
goes toward R door, speaking It won't be long before I can say 
At door "Good bye, papa." EXIT R, laughing 

COL. --Laughing Jiminy! I aint had as much fun and 
excitement since Mary and I eloped. Noise of automobile horn 
heard, two or three times, loud then fainter There they go! But 
won't that old fool of a father rave! Laughs, picks up instru- 
ment, mtroducing instrumental or singing specialty, or better still, both After 
specialty takes phone Hello Central! Has trouble with phone for two 
or three minutes, such as getting the wrong number, the brewery, the florist's, 
the undertaker's, etc. Local names can be used Finally getting his number 
I want 6 3 2. Hello, who's THIS? Weill want Mrs. G. 
Hello, that you Mary? Had a deuce of a time getting you. 
History is repeating itself. The richest thing you ever 
heard of. I've just helped Milton Nelson and his girl 
elope. Yes, same as we did. He couldn't possibly get 
the old man's consent you see. I told him our story and 
advised him to elope. Won't the old man make Rome 
howl? Laughs Yes, Josie was here. Milt, wanted her to go 
along so the minister and all of 'em went over to Jane's in 
Jo's car! Milt's a benedict by this time. He's a mighty 
bright boy and just as good as he is bright. Yes sir. Well 
good bye. Hangs up receiver By crackey, I don't believe I'd 
feel any better if I'd eloped all over again myself. But I 
WOULD like to see that old fool of a father when he finds 
it out! Messenger boy enters R singing, has letter in his hand, marches 
all around stage, singing all the time; finally stops in front of Colonel, makes 
him a profound bow, hands him the letter, and then EXITS L This can 
be and should be made very funny Colonel closely watches the boy, then 
laughs, goes up toward L letter in his hand, look offs L That muSt be 
Caruso or his son Robinson, laughs By Jove! I feel good. 
Comes down to his desk, opens letter, starts What's this! Reads letter 
"To Adam Goodwon A DAM GOOD ONE. Married, a 
few minutes ago at Aunt Jane's. Congratulate us, papa. 
Will talk over the partnership later. Don't let this get 
into the papers! Milt, and Jo. Postscript: How Small 
is Sylvanus?" Pause Well what do you think of that? 

WOW! He faints in chair. 

CURTAIN 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



sinton's Select Series < 

All Postpaid on Receipt of Price 




015 910 023 6 4 

1 



' OLD YORK STATE HOME. A 20th century comedy drama in four 

6 male, 3 female characters, or better if played with 2 females as bill has 

female double. Clever soubrette or ingenue who doubles, fme character 

n, old man, Irish comedy, elegant genteel heavy, character heavy, juvenile 

;tc. This play has had a thorough road trial and more than "made 

wherever produced, receiving unstinted praise from press and people. 

ostumes are modern and the play is easily staged. Price, one dollar, 

carries with it the right of amateur production. 



:URABLE; or, MY AWFUL DAD. A rattlmg comedy in two acts. 
e, 2 female characters. Feature : two of the funniest tramps possible; re- 
irmy officer, fine old man; soubrett3, ingenue, juvenile man, etc. Has been 
ighly tried out and always made a strong hit. Exterior and interior set- 
)f simplest kind, so easily produced. Costumes modern. Price one doi- 
hich carries with it the right of amateur production. 



AM GOODWON. A comedy sketch. Clever and funny. 2 male and 
ale character. Genteel old man, juvenile man, soubrette or ingenue. Is 
staged and costumes are up-to-date. Just the thing for an after piece or a 
:ville bill. Price, one dollar, which carries with it the right of amateur 
iction. 



[ler Plays in Preparation 

No Pla^^s Exchanged 

Ires.s all orders to 

FRANK J. STANTON, Norwich, N, Y. 



